It is incredibly important to note that moms are often inclined to discipline their sons this way. And their fathers as well. In fact, I see the humiliation of the fathers more often than the sons but I think the sons learn just as much from watching how their fathers are treated. Every eyeroll, “third child”, “This is what happens when I leave a man in charge…” mocking, contemptuous comment registers to sons. And often we moms think it is okay because we say it to other moms, not to our husbands directly, but our kids hear it.

One of the most heartbreaking things to me recently was listening to a sister say something like this to her brother. Her mother had been very careful not to make such comments in front of her husband or son, but her daughter heard it. She’s young. She copied her mother. She heaped the boys-don’t-do-anything-right contempt on her brother at the party when he didn’t set up the game properly.